Baba: My Grandfather

Long ago one baby girl was born and everybody was not that happy. But there was a person who brought the sweets and celebrated. Shared his joy with every person in his village. His first granddaughter had just arrived in his family. As he had no daughter, it was the high time to share his happiness & joy.

Yes, today I’m writing about you and you are my Baba. Mere Dada Jee.  Before this moment I never express my fondness for Baba to anyone because I thought it was worthless however I was ridiculously wrong. Yes, I know I am.

The matter of fact which I just don’t want to accept that you are no more. It’s killing me because I’m so deserted like never before. It’s shocking. It’s hurtful. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking.

I just don’t want to move on like everybody is telling me to.  Just three days back everything was fine and a week prior to that I met you. You were sharing the story of your childhood and the Satsang where you used to occupy yourself since many years. You were in your room surrounded by all your grandchildren along with my Husband. You were telling the history about Bind (our native place), school and everything related to our village, our home especially to my Husband. You were too happy and busy chatting with him. And your son-in-law was having great time with you (as he told me).

Why have you waited for me?? Why you were so happy that I am finally at your place after almost a year??

After marriage it was my first visit to my native place. You were happy like no one else. You waited for me whole day. And everybody was pissed that why are you asking so many times that I’m coming or not coming and if yes then when I’ll reach home.

Finally I reached home and you were standing far away from me. That bright eyes, that smile on your face and the way you were looking at us. This was not new for me but this time it was SPECIAL, a very special because it was not only me, it was us. Your most beloved granddaughter is happily married and visited you first time after marriage.

You were bad to hide your emotions. You were the young angry man, stubborn, hardworking, discipline lover, a good singer and sometime a comedian. Everybody knows your daily Yoga & exercise sessions. And best n worst thing that you were a family person. You gave your whole life to your family.

How can you go away like this?? How could you know that you are here with us for few more days?? Why you were telling my mom that stay here at home with you because you are going far away soon??

You gave me my Name.  I was your Shraddha where everybody know me as Sharda. I grew up following you at 24X7 basis. You guided me at every big steps, in every big decisions of my life and understood my feelings and emotions. When my father was busy with his business and for my younger siblings, you were there. Yes, every time. 

I know I’m brave, I’m strong enough that I could do every impossible things alone that no one can expect but now I’m lost. I don’t have courage to go home. I don’t want to go home and see my family. I’m not that strong to see you dead.

No. No. No way why I’m crying this much. Why is my heart so heavy?. Why can’t I control my tears?. 

It’s all because of you Baba. It’s only you. You were my energy warehouse. You were my life server room. You were my discipline and self-control book. 

I have never seen me like this before. How will I go home next time knowing that I will not be able to see you ever? Who will wait for me like you did. Who will happy to see me like you was?? This thought is not going from my tiny head.

Sorry to all kids (my siblings) for being selfish but he is my Baba yes only mine…and I can’t let you go like this… LOVE YOU!!!!

Aloohaa !!!!!